who wants to be Queen

November 19, 2010 § Leave a comment

Kate Middleton at the Garter Procession (with ...

Kate Middleton with large sombrero / via Wikipedia

I must admit, I didn’t know who Kate Middleton was until the official royal announcement hit the media earlier this week. Being curious, I looked her up on the internet as I had no idea what she looked like. Her looks, sadly, are probably the most important component considering the relentless paparazzi and the fact that we will be seeing billions and billions of photos of her from now on.

For some reason, Americans are dazzled by this royal stuff—maybe it’s because of the fairy tales we listened to as kids. Maybe it’s because we don’t have a royal family in America (oh forgive me, we do have Angelina and Brad).

Who would want to be Queen? If I swam in the same waters as those prince boys, I would do everything in my power to not be noticed. I’d stay as far away as possible.

  1. Who would want to marry into that family? Their track record for marriage is certainly not impressive. Three of the Queen’s four children–DIVORCED; (The Queen herself has managed to stay married for over 60 years, not quite sure how–her sister certainly couldn’t).
  2. Who would want to be controlled by the royal machine: told what to wear, when to wear it, how to act, what to eat, how to walk, where to be and when to be there?
  3. Who would want to be photographed CONSTANTLY? You’d never know what image of you is going to show up in horrid gossip papers.
  4. Who would want to be chased by the paparazzi, as evidenced by the tragic outcome that produced for Diana.
  5. Who would want that bratty, spoiled brother-in-law that thinks its cute and classy to wear nazi swastikas at Halloween parties?
  6. Then there’s always that evil eye of GRANDMA glaring at you…waiting for you to make a mistake, a royal mistake.

Kate, I hope you possess “the right stuff” to be in constant critique of the world as to what you’re wearing, how you are looking in it, and all the predictions on when you will produce offspring. I can only imagine that you will be compared endlessly to your beloved late mother-in-law and that’s gonna be a tough act to follow. I hope you are much happier than she was.

Best of luck to you—I hope you come out of this reasonably unscathed. You can always come to America if it doesn’t work out–maybe become a spokesperson for a weightloss program or have your own reality show. Maybe a reality show is out of the question— you are going to have more than enough reality for anyone’s lifetime.

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